urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis illimonstritis illimonstritis 2006-09-14T18:18:36Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:6118 2006-09-14T18:18:36Z 2006-09-14T18:18:36Z I wish people would just understand. I am sorry if I have hurt anyone. I never meant my words to get twisted or taken out of context. I miss my friends, I never felt so alone in my life. I know I have made mistakes but who hasn't we all get angry and say things we don't mean. All I can offer is my deepest apology and hope they understand. I have said I am sorry so many times. I am not the type of person to hurt someone on purpose. That is not me that is not jimbo! I really hope that they can forgive me and accept me as a friend. I don't know what else to do? I try to communicate with them to explain but they don't want to hear it. Well I am sorry! No one see's that. No see's how I am now. Everyone gets second and third chances in life. This is me asking for my second chance. I pray that you guys forgive me. Please! I am truly & deeply sorry! :-( I just haven't been myself lately and I know that now so I am back to the good old jimbo. I miss you guys all of you! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:5670 2006-09-03T18:21:15Z 2006-09-03T18:21:15Z Wow.. Who would of thought things would end up this way? I should of listened to everyone and heeded the warnings.. They all said i would end up broken hearted and in pain...But there is nothing I can do know but accept the facts. Love is a strange thing you can spend years waiting for the one to come. Then they do just to run from you. It was so predictable! My heart will never be the same. I am fucked up beyond repair. No one will ever compare to her. I love this girl so much! But maybe once I am actually gone she will realize that she made a mistake, but who knows? It is very doubtful. I just wish I had someone to turn too for help with my problems. I thought I had a best friend for life with her. She said herself we would be friends for ever. But you know women they change their mind everyday. Every where I go for the rest of my life people are gonna wonder what happen to me why wont I attach and I will tell them read this journal and you all shall know a little. No one will understand the true story of this. But she knows how I feel and felt. Life will never be the same after this day forward... Good bye amanda lyn pool! I will never forget you or stop loving you! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:5583 2006-09-01T18:34:18Z 2006-09-01T18:34:18Z What a day.. I have so much things I must do and can't. Just when I think the chances are over, Reality hits me in the face. I have a date tonight so I am happy, But feeling wired about it.. My love will never leave me.. So how can I advance into something else.. Questions Questions Questions!! No body ever knows the fucking answer! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:5310 2006-08-30T23:45:01Z 2006-08-30T23:45:56Z So this last week has been pretty crappy for jimbo. I have done nothing. On top of losing my love, I have been stuck in this house for a week now. It has been so difficult without her in my life... Things start going good for me by getting a new job and going to school. And I lose the most important thing in my life!!. Well we are still friends so that always leaves the door open! You know.. But I don't know if it will ever happen again.. I love her so but she dosen't feel the same.. I guess that is how it has to be huh! Well I gotta go DROWN MYSELF!! No j/k. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:5079 2006-08-28T02:15:14Z 2006-08-28T02:15:14Z Hey everyone I have a new journal so add it! myhrtisurs4ever! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:4656 2006-08-24T22:05:10Z 2006-08-24T22:05:10Z So I am so happy today. I just got out of work... It feels so good to be working again. I found out how much I am making finally. I make $11/per hour.. That is the shit bag.. I can finally buy shit again. I don't know the direction my love life is going, but that is okay I guess. I wish it was were it wants to be. Put it isn't. Other then that my life is on the look up... So every body wish me luck on my progress.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:4438 2006-08-22T23:57:43Z 2006-08-23T01:00:03Z Life is a dark rocky road with no street signs surrounded by a thick wooded forest...... No one now where they are going they only remember how they got there. Some people say hey we are lost lets turn around and go back.. To do this is easy we all know that. Some others say hey lets call for help, prolly someone that has been here before. But all the people that say lets keep moving forward are at best right half the time.... It is they way of humans to turn around and run for shelter. It is the way of the lost to ask for help... But it is the way of the warriors that face things head on.... Which one are you? Personally I think it is the way of the wise that take the best of all situations that present themselves... We all need our past to determine where we go, We all need to stop and ask for help every once in a while. But we all need to face or fears and problem head on.. It is the wise ones who whose all three ways to find the true meaning of life. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:4307 2006-08-20T04:07:53Z 2006-08-20T04:07:53Z So i don't even know where to begin tonight! I have had the best 5 months of my life, just end in a flash of a moment. I don't know how when or where it went bad, but it went bad and bad quick. I did mean for all this to end in a happily ever after. But life isn't that easy. I tried my best to be the good boyfriend she never had, But maybe that isn't what she wanted. I don't do well with break ups can't you tell!! I have had my heart ripped open, I don't know if it can be fixed. Life is to short to fight. So now is the time for me to be a man and step up to the plate... I now I will never love agin like I did for her. But i just hope she is happier without me. I hope she isn't going through the pain I am tonight, I pray noone ever goes through that pain ever! I will always love her! I just hope on every hope that one day she will be mine agian. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:3893 2006-08-19T03:50:32Z 2006-08-20T01:01:12Z So life has been getting rocky lately!! I really have been on the depressed side. I don't know why really, I am about to start college on the 30th and I am getting a job here soon. But I just got my lisence restricted for having to many points so I can't drive anywhere accept work and school. Beceause of that me and amanda have been not seeing each other so much lately, Which isn't always bad but we have been getting in to little scwables latley. I don't know what to do abouot it either. Every time I try to talk her about things she trys to turn them back towards me. Or that is just how I feel. She always turns it into "your so clingy" But lately for like a week and a half I have been backing down on my clingy tendencies. But I don't know maybe it is just me, maybe I am beeing paraniod!!! But it is hard to stop when you feel the way I do about her! I just hope I'm not pushing her away! Why dose L.O.V.E. have to be so difficult? Can anyone tell me? If god wants man and women together why do they always fight? Life will get better agian it alwasy does! Sometimes women don't understand when we love someone we want to hold them and be close. Maybe it is just the fact that I can't drive and have been stuck in this house all weekend!!! It sucks when you have been driving for 6 years now. But I know things will get better!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:3770 2006-08-05T23:30:13Z 2006-08-05T23:30:13Z I have had one of the best but yet the worst weekend ever. My baby is gone she went with her dad for the weekend! I miss her so much it has been so boring sitting at my house. But sence she has been gone my feelings for her have just gotten stronger. I relized how much I really love her!!! It has been good for me. I have gotten alot of studying done. I go for my assesment test for schoolcraft college friday!!! YAY!!!! I can't wait I'm a little nervous about it though. I really hope that she gets the same out of this weekend as I did. I just hope she dosen't come home and relized the total opposite of me. If she came back decided that were weren't meant to be it would suck royal ass!!! But I don't think that will happen.. I know that she loves me!! But I am gonna go watch some tv!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:3050 2006-06-06T13:54:54Z 2006-06-06T13:54:54Z Today was really hard.. I spent all day at work program and things just kept getting harder.. My girl has been distant with me these last couple of days.. I just need alot of attention I know I ask way to much I cant help it though. It is wired I don't want to push her away but it is hard to not just lay with her all day long I'm gonna start a new job soon and i won't get to see her as much and it will kill me but for her happiness I will do anything to give her what she wants.. I love her so much sometimes I think it is too much, but i can't contane myslef.. I'm so afriad of losing her I feel I have to be around her all the time or she wont be there when I get back.<br /><br /><br />I can't wait to start my new job at wal-mart it isn't much but I havent worked in so long. I will be whole agian! Yeah!! I'm almost off probation things are looking up for me!!! Is it weird that I enjoy work....? I don't think so. <br /><br /><br />Baby I love you more than life itslef. Sometimes I don't know how to explain it, She is my everything!! I don't know why in my life I need so many things?? I have never been happier but sometimes I couldn't feel any worse.. I know I know I don't make sence but I never have. I don't know what I would do without her?! Possibly be back on the wrong train with no way to switch tracks!<br /><br /><br />Latley I've been doing alright but, I have been felling a brake down coming on. I don't know where it will hit from or what reason but it will come I appologize to all in advance for anything that I say or do..<br /><br /><br />I love you baby more than you know just bare with me when it dose happen !!!! <br /><br /><br />xoxoxoxox &lt;3333 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:2745 2006-05-12T01:26:51Z 2006-05-12T01:26:51Z So the day finally came that my baby went to her mom's tomorrow is gonna suck really bad I wont get to see her at all.. But everything will be okay! I can't believe how fast I have fallen for this girl she is so amazing, there are times that we may fight but it is only for like 2 minutes then I look in her eyes and I can't stay mad... My life is turning around! 2 years ago I would of thought that being sober was so stupid and pointless but I have realized I was the one being pointless and stupid..! How ironic huh!<br /><br /><br /><br />Some how we got any the baby subject agian today..I don't know why but I can see it happening.. Not that it would be good for us but if it happens I can't say I would be angry either. I just hope not I can't put her threw that right now she and myself have to much to still accomplish!! I love her dearly,I don't know what I would do without her.. Well I know everone has heard this a binch of times so before I get to mushy I'm gonna go to bed....<br /><br /><br /><br />Love ya baby!!!<br />xooxoxoxoxoxoooxoox urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:2384 2006-05-10T19:46:28Z 2006-05-10T19:46:28Z It's 10 oclock in the morning .. I really don't have any new news to talk about but I haven't updated my journal in a while so here is an entry!!!!<br /><br /><br />My life is changing for the better I feel so much better about myself now that I am sober.. I feel I'm helping other around me aswell, JA is trying to quit smoking pot,Dustin is cutting back.. I just wish I could find a job there is so much I want to do but can't! I want my own place I hate living in my house. I want to go back to school so bad.. I actually miss it surprising huh!<br /><br />Today ja pissed me off seriously bad... I'm not mad that he did what he did,but the fact that he lied to me all day yesterday about it.. I can't be around people like that at this point in my life. I'm in the middle of becoming a man I don't need those little kid games around me.. So if this means we can't be friends so be it. Sorry ja luv ya but I cant do it...<br /><br /><br />My girlfriend is the greatest.. Lately though she has been a little pissy towards me and everyone else... I can't be mad though I love her to much.. I just have to deal don't I. It is not that bad I have dealt with worse girls then her.. I have never loved anyone like I love her, She makes me complete... Without her I would be lost! I love it when she gets mad...She makes the cutiest face I have ever seen!! But she is making me stop updating my journal,,I gotta go play Harry Potter sene IT!! Yeah I've seen it It is Gay!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:2150 2006-05-05T11:57:55Z 2006-05-05T11:57:55Z So today is Friday May 5th......<br /><br />yesterday was a good day. My life seems to be turning around for the better. If I could just find a decent job everything would be complete for now! I don't know why finding one has been so hard, but it is! I have been feeling bad for my friends as of late. I know that they are trying to compete for my attention especially Dustin. He told me something very interesting last night, He said to me that he wanted to quit smoking and drinking.! I encouraged him to do so. It is time for us to grow up!! I also had held a conversation with Vannessa for longer then 10 minutes the other night. I felt wired at first but then it seemed like we could still be friends.. I hope so I would hate for our friendship to be thrown away. That basically depends on her though I hope when I actually do see her when she comes back that she doesn't flip on me or throw me a guilt trip!! We will see wont we!!!<br /><br /><br />Today I'm hoping will be a good day, I woke up early as hell today to my mom bitching of course.. I would like to spend some time alone with my baby today. Lately it seems when people get around she isn't as cuddly as she usually is but it is okay I know how it is when friends are around. I love her so much!!! I couldn't believe what ray tried to do!! He threw his wrench in our relationship but it didn't stop her from loving me. At first I was having huge doubts after I read her journal, which I was surprised she let me read at all.. I'm so happy she chose me instead of him. It dose suck that they can't be friends! I just feel bad a little I mean he had his chance just like everyone else had there chance with the most wonderful girl in the world but they all blew it!! I will never make that mistake she is to cute and perfect for me to hurt her!! I couldn't do it even if I wanted to!!<br /><br /><br />Lately I have been having the greatest feelings I have ever had! I can so see me growing old with her!! It scares me sometimes to think how quickly my love for her is growing!! It is like a disease that there is no cure for!! But even if there was a cure I don't think I would take it. I would rather die then to lose what i have now!!!!<br />She makes me feel so good sometimes it is unbearable! Sometimes I feel like she is giving me a heart attack, No one has ever done that to me.. But before I get to rambling on and on I'm gonna go back to bed!!!<br /><br /><br />I love you baby!!!!! more than you know!!!!!<br />xoxoxoxoxox urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:1796 2006-04-30T14:13:24Z 2006-04-30T14:13:24Z My life as I know it has changed for the better, I am acctually happy for once in my life. I used to substitute drugs for happiness for along time. It made me feel good but never really happy. I am sober now I have no desire to go out and get fucked up anymore, and I found the women I will marry I never thought she would be the one. The more and more days go the more I know she will be with me forever. I do still have some fears of her breaking my heart only because she has soo many friends that want to be more than that, I have had my heart broken 3 or 4 times now for it to break agian I don't think it would ever heal!! I trust her with all my heart but sometimes I just let her past get the best of my jealousy. I do know that the people she cheated one in her past all deserved it. It still scares me! I would never cheat on her I don't cheat that is not in my nature anymore!! <br /><br /><br />My friends feel that i'm abandaning them but I don't mean too.. I am just going through a change in my life that I can not control. If my friends don't start to better themselves I honestly don't know if I can still be with them. It is time for me to move forward I am sick of being stuck in the same place!! I have been out of school for 3 years now!! That is way to long of a time I wasted on drugs and fun! I go back to school in fall and start some form of studies, So to all how I have hurt and all that read this be prepared for a new ME, It is a time that I will embrase and endure! My life as we all know it Has Changed!!!!<br /><br /><br />No man will ever treat you like i will I hope you will never throw that away baby!!!!!!!!!!<br /><br /><br />Love Ya BUnches <br />your baby<br />xoxoxoxoxoxoxox urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:1754 2006-04-26T23:10:05Z 2006-04-26T23:10:05Z So today is Wensday april 26, 2006 I had the best day with my girlfriend I have had sense we have been going out we spent most of the day alone and laying in each others arms!! I have never felt this way about any girl esspecially one as young as she is!! But age dosen't mean anything anyway, She is the best thing to ever happen to me!! I am starting to realize that she is more that I ever expected her to be. Life is moving along greatly. I wish I could just find a job and save money to one day marry her! I need not just a job but a career. It will work it self out eventually I have faith in it! I have faith in love once agian! So everyone wish me luck on my journeys!!<br /><br />I have been feeling alot of different things lately it seems my new found love is causing controversy with my long time friends. I sometimes don't know what to do if it came to it I would choose her, but I don't know where i would be without my friends, I may have never even meet her if it wasn't for my friends! For all those that I am losing I don't mean it I just am trying to find myself!!!!!!!<br /><br /><br /><br />I love you baby!!!<br />xoxoxoxoxoxoxox urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:1304 2006-04-23T15:32:41Z 2006-04-23T15:32:41Z It seems as the days go by I start to realize just how old I am I will be 22 soon and life is going by so fast!! I need to get on the ball and start moving towards my goals!! The only problem is I don't know what my goals are yet. I don't know who or what I want to be! I have always wanted to be a police officer but the more I think about it I would have to go to the service to accomplish it.. I can't do that!!! I have always wanted to by in the public services day by day I have been thinking of being a firefighter they get soo much respect and admiration from everyone! I know one thing when fall comes back around I am going to go back to school!! For what I don't know yet but I wait anylonger and I will be stuck in a dead end job forever!! I do know one thing for sure about my future and that it who I will spend it with baby I love you so much!! You know who you are!! <br /><br /><br /><br />xoxoxoxoxoxox<br />Love your baby<br />Jimbo!!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:1204 2006-04-21T14:20:58Z 2006-04-21T14:20:58Z This love I have for is stronger than I ever knew! This love I have for you is brighter than any star! This love is so amazing sometimes I can't speak!! For you I would do anything, I would lose my life just to call you mine!! Now I have you and the times may never change! Cause this love I have for you is what changed me!!!! <br /><br /><br /><br />I love you baby with all my heart and soul!!! <br /><br /><br />P.S. Sorry we didn't get as much alone time as I promised, We will spend some alone time today!!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:989 2006-04-18T22:21:58Z 2006-04-18T22:21:58Z Today is April 18,2006 of tuesday it has been two weeks since I have been dating the best girl in the world! I can just stare into her eyes and see my life in twenty years! The days have been great no more fighting in my life. It is all to perfect!! I'm sitting here next to her right now she is sleeping!! She is so pretty it brings tears to my eyes!! Well everybody it is my time to lay down next to the best girl in the world!! Love you BABY!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:704 2006-04-17T02:19:36Z 2006-04-17T02:19:36Z YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE HAPPINESS YOU BRING ME!!!! I ONCE THOUGHT I WAS IN LOVE! THEN THE DAY YOU BECAME MINE I REALIZED WHAT TRUE LOVE FEELS LIKE THE DAYS ARE LONGER AND THE NIGHTS ARE SPECTACULAR!! WHEN I HOLD YOU THE THOUGHTS ARE CAN IT BE TRUE!!!! i DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS THE FEELINGS I FEEL!! YOU HAVE BEEN LIKE AN ANGLE SENT TO FIX MY SHATTERED HEART!! I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE I COULDN'T SLEEP WITHOUT YOU IN MY HEART!!! I WAKE IN THE MORNING AND WANT TO CRY WHEN I FIRST HEAR YOUR VOICE TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!! BE WITHOUT FEAR OF OUR LOVE BECAUSE I WILL NEVER HARM YOU!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:illimonstritis:506 2006-04-15T01:13:52Z 2006-04-15T01:13:52Z Life has been so great these last couple of weeks. Days have seemed to good to be true! I found my equal!! I never thought it would happen but it did. I have been fighting for this for years, 3 to be exact. I hope it never ends! Everything is all so new right now but it takes my breath away! The day I found her is the day I truly found myself!!